Commitment issues

Lets discuss the elephant in the room... my commitment issues.

I have a real fear of disappointing people. I never want others to be upset with me or mad at me. So dumb right? Well because of that fear I have an issue with commitment. When I commit to something I am fully committed and will do whatever it takes to finish what I started, but when I commit to people something inside me freezes up and I end up disappointing someone. PTSD? Not sure, but its a big reason why I don't have a lot of friends or do much with people. Just call me the non-committing hermit!

Lately I have been trying my best to get over that fear and actually doing things that might make me nervous. Even just the thought of inviting people over to our house make me cringe because what if I don't make enough food or they get bored or they realize half way through the night that we are lame? I over think things, I know, but those things go through my mind constantly! And even though I have those thoughts... I have been actually inviting people over and trying to find friends and do more with people other than my sweet husband.

Last night Cam suggested that me and my mom go get our nails done and normally I wouldn't because what if she brings up a time when I let her or my sisters down? How will I deal with that? But I called her and we went out and got our nails done and it was amazing to just be with her and talk about her life and what I can help out with. Why I stress myself out over these things, I don't have any idea but I need to put a stop to it.

I'm learning how to be Jim Carrey off of "Yes Man" and just doing things because they are fun. Not thinking and just doing. I mean obviously nothing stupid right?

So this was total rambling, but it's been on my mind lately and its a change I am COMMITTING to make!